Desmond has been home almost a week. I can't believe how fast time flies, it seems like just yesterday we were starting this process. I think back to a year ago and we weren't even considering having children let alone adopting one from halfway around the world. This past week has been very trying, I will not lie. Let me tell you about the week...
Last Tuesday I set off from my hotel in Seoul for the agency offices in Korea. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there. I was carrying two big bags, one was filled with gifts for Desmond's foster family, the other was filled with donations for the agency. My appointment to meet Desmond was at 1:30pm and I wasn't sure how far the office was from the subway stop. I arrived at the office at 1:10pm.
I took the elevator to the second floor and met with social worker, she said that he and his foster mother were already there. Gulp! Already? I wasn't ready, I could still turn around right?
Here is the face the greeted me when I walked into the room.
He was all smiles and he started to feed me some cereal. His foster mother noted that he never is that happy around strangers. I honestly can't really tell you what I was feeling. I am generally a non-emotional person and during highly emotional situations, like this one, I just shut down completely and show absolutely no emotion whatsoever. I'm sure his foster mother thought I was a strange person!
After a few minutes talking about Desmond and asking about his schedule, eating habits, favorite foods, comfort items we left to head downstairs to see the doctor. The doctor was busy and we had to wait in the waiting area. During this time he let me hold him for a few minutes. He also got to ride on a little bike and did not want get off of it when the doctor was ready. He started screaming bloody murder when he was forced off of it. His foster mother leaned over and said: "Oh yeah, he has a temper." Ummm...yep he does.
He was checked out by the doctor and I was given a piece of paper to sign. This was it, once I signed that piece of paper we were now responsible for him. I actually hesitated, so much so the social worker pointed out again where to sign. I signed it. That was it. There was a flurry of activity to get him strapped to me in the carrier and to flag down a taxi for me. In the meantime he was crying and screaming, his foster mother was crying hugging me and him, and I just stood there numb.
The cab came, good thing it was an older friendly fellow who tried his hardest to get Desmond to stop crying. I was back at the hotel by 2:10pm, it happened all so fast. Desmond ended up crying himself to sleep and slept for about 2 hours. This was a blessing for me. I could just sit for a little bit and digest what just happened. I just became a mother.
While in Korea Desmond and I just hung out together in the hotel room and got to know each other a little bit. This was a good thing because I could get a sense of when he was tired and about ready to have a melt down. On Thursday of last week we packed up and headed to the airport. (Yes, I did handle all of that stuff by myself with a kid.)
The plane ride wasn't that bad, but I am glad it is over with. He slept for 5 hours woke up and screamed for about an hour, stared off into space for another hour then slept for another 4. I was so thankful that he slept so much. I have heard horror stories from other adoptive parents that their children literally screamed the entire time!
These first few days have been rough, there have been times that I've doubted our decision. Especially last Friday and Saturday when he cried non-stop for about 24 hours. Part of it was grieving and part of it was a double ear infection we didn't realize he had. We are new to this parent thing. Besides he didn't show any signs of being sick, no fever, no tugging at his ears. And to top it off we were told to expect fits of crying because of the grieving. In hindsight we probably should've gone to the ER.
Yesterday my husband came into the playroom where I was trying to get Desmond to stop crying and play. He said: "When he is 17 he is so going to hear about his non-stop screaming." I said: "Please can he be 17 now?!" As I thought about this statement I had not only just wished my son's life away but I wished away all the memories we can have together. Today I thought that I don't want to wish away my child's life because now is the time instill values, teach him right and wrong, if we miss these times then we've totally missed the point of parenting and instructing a child. Do I wish that he had not cried those first few days? Of course, but I needed those first days of crying to learn more about being a mom and to learn more about my son.
Both my husband and I know adopting Desmond was/is what God wants for us and our family. By doubting that I am doubting God. His plan is perfect and I want to be in the center of His plan. Everyday will get a little better and everyday is better when we are in the center of God's will.