Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Desmond has been home almost a week. I can't believe how fast time flies, it seems like just yesterday we were starting this process. I think back to a year ago and we weren't even considering having children let alone adopting one from halfway around the world. This past week has been very trying, I will not lie. Let me tell you about the week...

Last Tuesday I set off from my hotel in Seoul for the agency offices in Korea. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there. I was carrying two big bags, one was filled with gifts for Desmond's foster family, the other was filled with donations for the agency. My appointment to meet Desmond was at 1:30pm and I wasn't sure how far the office was from the subway stop. I arrived at the office at 1:10pm.

I took the elevator to the second floor and met with social worker, she said that he and his foster mother were already there. Gulp! Already? I wasn't ready, I could still turn around right?

Here is the face the greeted me when I walked into the room.

He was all smiles and he started to feed me some cereal. His foster mother noted that he never is that happy around strangers. I honestly can't really tell you what I was feeling. I am generally a non-emotional person and during highly emotional situations, like this one, I just shut down completely and show absolutely no emotion whatsoever. I'm sure his foster mother thought I was a strange person!

After a few minutes talking about Desmond and asking about his schedule, eating habits, favorite foods, comfort items we left to head downstairs to see the doctor. The doctor was busy and we had to wait in the waiting area. During this time he let me hold him for a few minutes. He also got to ride on a little bike and did not want get off of it when the doctor was ready. He started screaming bloody murder when he was forced off of it. His foster mother leaned over and said: "Oh yeah, he has a temper." Ummm...yep he does.

He was checked out by the doctor and I was given a piece of paper to sign. This was it, once I signed that piece of paper we were now responsible for him. I actually hesitated, so much so the social worker pointed out again where to sign. I signed it. That was it. There was a flurry of activity to get him strapped to me in the carrier and to flag down a taxi for me. In the meantime he was crying and screaming, his foster mother was crying hugging me and him, and I just stood there numb.

The cab came, good thing it was an older friendly fellow who tried his hardest to get Desmond to stop crying. I was back at the hotel by 2:10pm, it happened all so fast. Desmond ended up crying himself to sleep and slept for about 2 hours. This was a blessing for me. I could just sit for a little bit and digest what just happened. I just became a mother.

While in Korea Desmond and I just hung out together in the hotel room and got to know each other a little bit. This was a good thing because I could get a sense of when he was tired and about ready to have a melt down. On Thursday of last week we packed up and headed to the airport. (Yes, I did handle all of that stuff by myself with a kid.)

The plane ride wasn't that bad, but I am glad it is over with. He slept for 5 hours woke up and screamed for about an hour, stared off into space for another hour then slept for another 4. I was so thankful that he slept so much. I have heard horror stories from other adoptive parents that their children literally screamed the entire time!

These first few days have been rough, there have been times that I've doubted our decision. Especially last Friday and Saturday when he cried non-stop for about 24 hours. Part of it was grieving and part of it was a double ear infection we didn't realize he had. We are new to this parent thing. Besides he didn't show any signs of being sick, no fever, no tugging at his ears. And to top it off we were told to expect fits of crying because of the grieving. In hindsight we probably should've gone to the ER.

Yesterday my husband came into the playroom where I was trying to get Desmond to stop crying and play. He said: "When he is 17 he is so going to hear about his non-stop screaming." I said: "Please can he be 17 now?!" As I thought about this statement I had not only just wished my son's life away but I wished away all the memories we can have together. Today I thought that I don't want to wish away my child's life because now is the time instill values, teach him right and wrong, if we miss these times then we've totally missed the point of parenting and instructing a child. Do I wish that he had not cried those first few days? Of course, but I needed those first days of crying to learn more about being a mom and to learn more about my son.

Both my husband and I know adopting Desmond was/is what God wants for us and our family. By doubting that I am doubting God. His plan is perfect and I want to be in the center of His plan. Everyday will get a little better and everyday is better when we are in the center of God's will.

Friday, June 3, 2011


There are so many changes going on in our lives right now. Yesterday was my last day of full-time work. I actually had never thought that I would leave my job. I love my job. I love working with the people in the office. There was never a time when I really didn't want to go to work. I had been there for 6 1/2 years, not my longest tenure at a job, but it was by far one of my better jobs.

Now I am going to be a stay at home mom. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this, not even sure if I am completely ready to be a mom. I am really hoping some maternal instincts kick in soon! I'm sure that when I finally get to meet our son, there will be some motherly feelings. It's hard when all you have is a picture to love. When one is pregnant they can feel their baby growing inside them, it's there with them always. Not the case in adoption. But that's okay by us, this is the path we have chosen to grow our family and I'm sure once he is in our arms we will know 100% that we have made the best decision.

I am currently in the process of getting the house ready and baby proofed. It's hard to think like a 18 month old and try to figure out what will be enticing to play with. His room is almost ready. There are still a few things that I would like to get done in it to make it feel more like his room.

We really don't have much time to get things done, so it is a good thing yesterday was my last day at work because I am leaving for Korea in just 6 short days. It still kind of seems surreal, like it's not really happening or I feel like it's still some months away in the future. Soooo not the case!

God has blessed us with a few extraordinary things in the past couple of weeks. First off, I'm pretty confident that our adoption is paid for! We are still waiting for some money to come in that was offered to us by some very generous people, but with that money we will be able to finish paying off the fee! Also, we received a grant from an organization that helps families who are adopting children with special needs. What was great about this is that our agency applied on our behalf and we didn't even need to lift a finger! This was great news since we had already been turned down for a couple of grants that we had applied for.

Another blessing is that my husband seems to have more vacation time than what we previously thought. His employer is changing insurance carriers and they had a meeting with the employees to discuss the change. In the packet of info was an overview of all the benefits the employees can receive. Both him and I noticed that he was not accruing as much vacation as he should be. I went back and checked his pay stubs and noticed he was accruing vacation as if he was still working in his 6th year...he is in his 12th. So as to not bore you with all the math, my husband now has an extra 16 days of vacation! That's 3 weeks! He is now able to spend a little bit more time at home when I get back from Korea. We are super excited about this as we were just planning on him taking that time off without pay. God's timing is just so perfect! I'm getting all teary-eyed just thinking about how wonderful God is!

I'll be sure to post more about my trip to Korea to meet/pick up our son.